Last night I had a dream that struck me so deeply that it left me numb. Most dreams are vague and impossible to recount however this one was especially vivid, completely engaging and rather surreal. Despite its poignancy it is still tough to put into words and may make little sense or won't come across the way it felt but it effected me enough to motivate me to try.
It began with me sitting in a room, waiting. It was an expansive and bright room with sliding patio doors, which allowed me to see out across a well kept plot of grass bathed in summer sunshine. I was there for a family holiday. I had arrived earlier with my girlfriend; we waited hand in hand. After some time, the family car pulled up and the rest of my relatives arrived; mum and dad, my brothers and grandma and grandpa. Dad entered the room to inform me that they were staying for the next three days and that they would be trying out all the rides that the resort had to offer -- this is one of those completely random dream elements; it makes little to no sense. From what I gathered we were in an all in one entertainment-theme park-resort-hotel-type-place. Obviously because of his frailty grandpa would stay in the shade of the waiting area were he would be content to sit and read his newspaper. I offered to keep him company whilst, with a deviously cute grin, my girlfriend took my younger brothers by the hand and led them out of a side door. Dad disappeared along with them and I was left alone wth my grandpa.
This was the point that the heavy metal and dubstep began the boom from speakers in the walls. My dear grandpa had always had trouble with his hearing for as long as had known him and the noise would make him agitated that blocked his hearing. He grumbled and fidgeted the way he always would, before becoming flustered and annoyed. I sat and watched him complain for them to 'turn the racket off', I likened him to a upturned tortoise. The noise continued unabated so he tried to stand up to leave. Grandpa always had the finest walking sticks but they alone weren't enough to help him stand up initially. I rushed over to help him but felt uncomfortable handling him, I helped him sit back down instead. He slowly calmed down and instead tried to talk to me. I told him how happy I was to see him then described my studies and what was happening in my life. I answered in tone louder than my comfortable speaking voice and still wasn't certain that he actually heard me but he nodded in appreciation and smiled and congratulated me on all my successes no matter how small -- he would always genuinely mean it too. I made him laugh and he took of his glasses to wipe the tears from his eyes, the same way he always did.
Soon my girlfriend returned - apparantly she had ridden on a chariot-log-chute-thingy - and I introduced her to grandpa as best I could over the music. He tried to compliment how beautiful she was and that he liked her dress and I nodded, grinning in agreement. He really liked her. She tried to respond but he couldn't really hear her. We continued our fractured conversation for a good while light faded from the window - I couldn't recall for the life of me what we spoke about, but it was a tender conversation - we had been in the room for hours, maybe even days, and the sky had turned into a warm thunderstorm.
I heard my grandma's voice call-out saying 'Michael' -- grandpa first name, in a high yet firm pitch that he would always hear. She told him it was time to go. This time with, a combined effort, we were able to raise him to his feet and he shuffled towards the door, walking sick in hand. He dissappeared past the door leaving me alone with my beloved girlfriend. She approached me, looking up at me with big pretty eyes -- I was a bit too tall for her. She then leant her head forwards and rested against my chest.
I embraced her, my actual chest burned and I could feel my heart thumping and my cheeks blushing. I was smiling I breathed deeply, inhaling the scent of her hair... it smelled musky...
... I began to wake and my heart sank. I wanted to cry out. I was lying in bed alone tightly clutching the corner of the duvet, which was pressed against my nose. I started to remember. I shut my eyes tightly and I was still alone in the room. Everyone had gone and there was nothing outside the window. I desperately searched for all of them but they were nowhere to be seen. I felt a tear on my cheek and opened my eyes once more. I thought I was still at home but I'm not, I'm in a my bedroom alone. My family isn't here. I don't have a girlfriend anymore, I may never see her again. I don't have a grandpa anymore, I won't ever see him again. They would never meet.
I lay staring at the wall. It was raining outside, a grey and damp morning. Eyes open or closed I'm alone with past caricatures as my only company.
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